Should I, a Hindu, Convert to Islam and Marry MY Muslim Lover?
17 Sep, 2008
- Firstly may I say I found your website very very useful, the
information is very informative and basically breaks down every
fine point with examples from the book itself.
I found it very disturbing to read some of the things written, I
am not a muslim, but just cannot believe the way women are treated.
The reason I am writing this to you is because I need some help and
guidance, I’ve sort of got myself into a dilemma, and before I turn
totally insane I though id ask for your guidance, and sincerely hope
that you can help me.
I’m a 32 year old male, married and I have one child, while my
wife was pregnant and during that time I had affair with a muslim
girl, whom I am still seeing, she is also married no kids and will
be getting divorced this year.
We have been together for almost 2 years and I am sincerely and
deeply in love with her, I know what I am doing is wrong, but the
heart is blind, I really want to be with her she’s not the strict
kind of muslim she’s the more up-to-date, with some freedom, we have
shared a lot together and she does feel real deeply for me 2.
I would really like to be with her, I fell in love for whom she
was not what she was likewise with her, the dilemma is that she
knows her family won't accept me because I’m not muslim, I don’t
intend to change what or who I am its my identity, and she accepts
that. Why wont they accept me, its not as if they know of me yet, to
marry her why should I change. Her parents forced her to get married
the first time, and look what happened, despite me telling her to be
To leave home is a major step which I’m willing to do, for her.
But so many major factors are in the way, bringing up of kids if we
have any, id like to share the culture if we got together, but I
don’t think this would happen. She’s recently told me that after she
is divorced her parents will eventually start looking for her again
to get married, I know she wants a family and kids eventually, I
don’t want to carry on seeing her then be told sorry I’m getting
married again, it F***D me up the first time enough.
Where do I stand in all honesty! Any guidance would be
I do not want to lose her, and its really messing with head, to
walk away from my family is hard I love them dearly, they will be
hurt, I made a mistake I admit that. We are only human after all but
his is really messing me up. Will I ever be able to be with her? You
know what the older muslim generation is like, mainly biased, she
loves her parents dearly and doesn't want to hurt them. They would
probably kill me if they were to know of me!
I am very disturbed at the moment and look too you for guidance,
and possibly any help you could me. It’s really beginning to take
it's toll on my life recently I’ve began cutting myself to relive my
tension and stress.
I await eagerly for help and guidance in this matter. Feel free
to use this letter on your site for possible guidance to others in
the same boat. Which I’m sure somewhere out there, there is someone.
Thanking you greatly and awaiting in anticipation.
Please make sure my email address is shown if you decide to use
this letter on your site.
08 August, 2008
Let me apologize first that I could not respond sooner. I was editing a book and could not take time away for it.
I am writing this response to your request, assuming that, you are an Indian-origin Hindu.
This website I set up at a great personal sacrifice so that Muslims, who are within the fold of Islam, can see the dark side of this violent cult, make informed choice and leave it. So you should know well what my advice will be at the end of this reply.
I also acknowledge that, the kind of situation you are in, my guidance will help little. In matters of heart like this, what others say is totally irrelevant—at least, most often and at the most critical time! I have gone through this myself; everybody does!
Having said that let me tell you a bit from my learning from experience of 40+ years and from the philosophy of my life. I am personally a liberal, more of the classical leaning. My philosophy allows me to express my views on what you choose do, but does not allow me to force you against your choice of such doings that do not directly harm others.
For a liberal, the basic human rights—the liberty to choose amongst them, are the most uncompromising essentials of the human society. Right to love, to choose your partner, is basic a right too, in the context that, a third parson has no right to meddle in the sentimental affairs of two adults. However, the ‘right to love’ is not a guaranteed thing; your emotional feeling towards a parson can never be returned, quite rightfully. At the same time, in a well-developed relationship, the ‘right to love’ is not eternal either.
Familiarity breeds contempt, said the wise men; if not contempt, disinterest, apathy! You must be aware of this jolly well from your current marriage and other relationships (if you had any). The relationship you are building today may fall apart like a castle of sands tomorrow. Your love can be spurned by your partner tomorrow; you may tomorrow spurn the love of your partner you are choosing today. You may spurn others’ love many times in life; your love may be spurned by many others. This is ingrained in human instinct, human nature; it is integral of being human. What we need to learn is to manage those difficult situations well and move ahead.
In the relationship issue, let me tell you, as well, that I hold my bond with my parents, my siblings most valuable. My beloved wife may find life not interesting anymore some day; she might leave. Once, she is gone, I am nobody to her. I will probably be an annoyance around her in her new life. But my parents’ love, my siblings’ love for me will live until the end of their lives. But I do not mean that we should neglect our relationship with our beloved partner. For a satisfying life, it is very important too; probably the most important. But I will probably not compromise my bonding with my blood relations, in the way you are planning, for whosoever it may be. In a case like yours, they have done immense sacrifice for you; I will need an immense amount of convincing of why they deserve what you are planning for them. I am not a believer in soul-mate or marriage in heaven kind of stuffs. No relationship is a done thing for success; only working towards it makes it so. I also believe that there are more than one, probably many, persons with whom, I could make my relationship as successful as my current one is.
In liberal thoughts, the right to life is the central one. Without life, this world is nothing to us, humans. No body is [at least should be] allowed to get away with spurning your right to life. My philosophy is that every human being choose his/her action, decision keeping in mind, foremost, that it someday would not violate someone’s central right, the right to life, or any basic right for that matter.
Of course, people make mistakes in their decision-making; they probably do quite often. I will give a couple of examples of such mistakes some people, some Hindu ancestors of ours, made centuries ago. I will also outline the consequence their coreligionists later bore, have been bearing today and will continue to bear—don’t know until when, probably forever.
One example is Malabar. Muslim traders, some say, arrived at the Malabar Coast along the sea-route as early as in 629 when Prophet Muhammad was wrecking havoc on the kafirs of Arabia. Muhammad annihilated idolatry, the equivalence of Hinduism, from Arabia by giving them the choice between death and Islam [Quran 9:5]. The Hindu society of Malabar, the liberal and tolerant as it was since the antiquity, let those Muslim traders settle in. They allowed their women to marry the Muslim men [Muslims never allowed vice versa; if they ever did, the Hindu man had to convert]. They developed Muslim colonies. Some Hindus also probably converted, likely those who had taken up jobs with the Muslim traders—thanks again to the amazingly liberal and tolerant society that India was [Muslims always killed those who left Islam; they definitely tried their best]. Muslims came as traders, but preaching Islam and breeding to expand the Muslim populace was their more important goal.
By 17–18th century, they had become quite sizable in numbers; yet quite a minority still. That was good enough to unleash their Jihad; enslavement Jihad first. They used to kidnap the Hindus, particularly the children, and sell them to European traders and others.
By early 19th century, emboldened as they became, they could scale-up their Jihad to large-scale violence. The martyrdom Jihad—slay and be slain [Quran 9:111]—became popular. According to Francis Robinson, a pro-Islam author [Islam & Muslim History in South Asia, p247], they developed
‘a tradition of holy war and martyrdom… it has been manifest in outbreaks of religious violence—there were thirty-two, for instance between 1836 and 1919.’
The victims of their Jihad outbursts were the totally innocent Hindus. Blood of the idolaters, Hindus for example, is the most halal, the most assured means of gaining Paradise for Muslims. The worst happened in the Mopla Rebellion (1921). The Malabar Muslims [Mopla] in their rage for establishing a pan-Islamic caliphate, India included in it [Gandhi and Nehru had agreed to it], unleashed a heinous wave of violence against innocent Hindus. In recounting the horrific barbarity committed by the Moplas, notes Ambedkar [Writings and Speeches, Vol. 8, p163]:
‘The Hindus were visited by a dire fate at the hands of the Moplas. Massacres, forcible conversions, desecration of temples, foul outrages upon women, such as ripping (open the abdomens) of pregnant women, pillage, arson and wholesale destruction—in short, all the accompaniments of brutal and unrestrained barbarism, were perpetrated freely by the Moplas upon the Hindus… The number of Hindus who were killed, wounded or converted is not known. But the number must have been enormous.’
A three-judge panel that tried some of the leading culprits said in its verdict that
‘their tutored mind is particularly susceptible to the inflammatory teachings that Paradise was to be gained by killing Kafirs. They would go out on the warpath, killing Hindus no matter whom… no grievance seems to have been necessary to start them on the wild careers.’
According to Robinson, 10,000 lives were lost.
Over in Southeast Asia, an extended Hindu-Buddhist civilization of the medieval age, as tolerant and liberal as it was; Muslim traders settled there in the early 10th century in the coastal trading cities. As in Malabar, the tolerant culture allowed them to marry the local women, procreate and build Muslim colonies. Some conversions also probably took place, as it happened in India, through trade connections. By early 14th century, Muslims had created two small but substantial colonies to found Muslim sultanates. Ibn Battutah visited one of them in 1346, the Samudra sultanate—a small city state in North Sumatra.
Muslims were strong enough; they could go now on the Jihadi path. Ibn Battutah, a Sufi devotee and a Jihadi as he was, says of the reigning Sultan al-Malik az-Zahir of Samudra that he was ‘a most illustrious and opened-handed ruler,’ because,
He was constantly engaged in warring for the Faith [Jihad against the infidels] and in raiding expeditions… His subjects also take a pleasure in warring for the Faith and voluntarily accompany him on his expeditions. They have the upper hand over all the infidels in their vicinity, who pay them poll-tax to secure peace. [Ibn Battutah: Travels in Asia and Africa, trs. Gibb HAR, p274]
In fact, early Muslim travelers, such as al-Masudi (10th century), notes of many such Muslim colonies allowed to spring up in tolerant India through intermarriages and governed by Muhammadan laws. Ibn Battutah (1340s) saw a number of them, having thousands of Muslims, such as in South Indian coastal districts and creating all kinds of troubles. Ibn Battutah even inspired the ruler of one such tiny Muslim colony-sultanate to attack the Hindu king of Goa and Battutah himself participated in that holy war.
We can see how those few mistakes of our forefathers, out of their naivety or at the point of the sword, embraced Islam and allowed it to flourish in their midst; and how their offspring came to wreck havoc on their innocent Hindu coreligionists of the yesteryear. Tens of millions of Hindus—60 to 80 millions in an estimate of Prof KS Lal, perished to the sword of Islam; a much greater number were enslaved with the women being reduced to sex-slaves.
However, we cannot blame them; they were innocent people, could not foresee what would happen in future; they had no way to know (Indeed, that's how a civilized society should be—love and respect for all and malice for none. But here is a cult, born to destroy the rest of the world civilization in the most barbarous way). If they did know, they would never convert and let their women marry the the Muslim implants, not allow Islam flourish in their midst—so long, it was in their power. And we continue to bear the consequence, our future generations will continue to suffer without an end in sight. I wish I were wrong in saying that, in five decades; situation might get dire for India. Today, we have the means to judge, to make informed decision, in similar matters.
What I want to say in conclusion is that your choice to marry your Muslim lover by converting to Islam would unavoidably breed offspring, who in a few generations, would probably join the Jihadi trail. Probably it does not matter; there are 150 million Muslims already in India. That’s probably correct! But for a liberal as I am, every single life gets lost to this barbarous, perverted cult; there is bleeding in heart. Aiding that cult in the most negligible way causes me heartaches.
A couple of dozen innocent lives got lost in Delhi the other day with many more promising lives crippled forever. It has become a familiar scene in India. My whole life’s effort may not be able to shape a couple of promising lives. Their right to life is violated with the utmost zeal; that is the doctrine of Jihad—the foundational creed of Islam.
In this matter of yours, I can only express my views, which I have. The choice, of course, is yours.