Can’t have a relationship with this Muslim man, thanks to Islam-watch
29 Dec, 2007
An American infidel woman wrote the following email to us:
Good morning. I have been conversing with a guy named Mohammed Akmel living in Europe through a dating website. On our third day of conversing, I found out he was a Muslim.
I didn't know how to broach him on that subject because of the things I have read on your site. On Saturday, the opportunity arose and I took it. I personally do not have a religion which I follow, though that doesn't mean I don't believe in something. I told him that his religion scares me and he wanted to know what it was about his religion that scared me. I told him because of the "if you don't convert, you will die and wife beatings." I told him about your site.
He couldn't believe that such a site exists and decided to counter with "put Christian there" and I told him that I've already read those sites as well. He then went on to tell me about how he knew of three women being beat up by so-called Christian men. I didn't deny that one bite. He tried to explain the wife-beating by saying that it's only meant like admonishing a child. I counter with what I had read from your site (but did not tell him that) about the girl from Canada.
When I want to learn about a religion, I don't go to the sites that are for it. I go to the sites that say why people have left. If the same things are being said over and over and over again, then something is wrong.
I asked him if he had a wife with no religion, how the children would be raised. He said his religion, because "they don't know any better." He has kept pushing a relationship and even has names for children already. I know, deep down, as much as we seemingly get along, I cannot have a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of relationship with him.
And he's religious enough to be praying 5 times a day with the ritual washings and a shadow of a beard on his face. He did try to counter with "why are so many western women rushing to marry Muslim men?" I told him about a man in Denmark, from the UAE but living and working there that had a western wife and they are now divorced. I also told him about a woman I knew and worked with that met, married, and now divorced her Muslim husband. And she's from the US.
Again, I am glad I have found your site and the dangers that could/would present themselves to me. Even though he said that he would keep people away from me, trying to push me to convert, I know better. At the most, we can be friends and that is it. There are too many things that tell me that I shouldn't be with this man.
Editor MA Khan replies:
Thank you for sending your email describing your encounter with this Muslim man. We hope that you have made an informed choice regarding this case.
First, let me tell you that there are some non-practicing liberal Muslims, who are worth giving a try if you are looking for love or a relationship. However, I am particularly apprehensive of Muslims who follows Islamic rituals to any degree. Majority of my highly educated and bright Muslim friends, whom I have met along the way, used to pray only on Fridays and do fasting during Ramadan. Yet, none of these not-so-pious Muslims were liberal enough to think of having a wife from non-Muslim background who could keep her own religion.
Even the most liberal ones among them would require their wives to become symbolically Muslim, although they could choose not to practice Islam. And of course, the children will have to be raised as Muslims. There cannot be any negotiation on that.
I have learned of many cases in which Muslims have duped well-meaning gullible Western women into marrying them on the promise that they could retain and practice their own religion. However, once the marriage has taken place, they suddenly become changed persons. Whether for family, peer and social pressure or out of their own deceptive ploy ― they, all-on-a-sudden, turn cold from a warn person and start talking about religion in one way or another. The poor woman either has to bear with it and convert or break up the marriage with bitter experience.
In another stance, I have seen one of my own close friend, nominally religious, who duped a non-Muslim girl, promising that she will need not change her religion when they get married. The nice girl fell into his trap and maintained the relationship for 3 years. Now the guy wants to get married and ask the girl to become Muslim, raising the excuse of family pressure. The girl did not agree. Soon afterwards, the guy went on visit to his home country and came back with a wife to the shock of his ex-girlfriend. The girl could not just believe that someone can just get married like that. But this is not exception but quite normal for Muslims.
I also get letters from many non-Muslim women who have fallen in love with Muslim men. One girl wrote to me that after some time, the man started asking her to be more decent their in her dresses, not to keep company like before with her previous male friends, particularly if they are gays. Some of them are even asked to keep away from the lesbian girl-friends. Some of them are asked to start reading about Islam, behave in Islamic way and eventually convert to Islam. These are various ploys Muslims employ while they try to dupe innocent Western non-Muslim women into their trap for converting them to Islam.
My word to all non-Muslim women, who are vulnerable to fall prey to such traps, is that, in real Islam, a woman is not a free and independent human entity. She is a mere thing or possession of men. She cannot have her independent life and freedom to live her life as she wishes. A woman is the property of her husband, sons or father. She cannot go out unattended by a male relative―her husband, sons or father. Although there are Muslims of different varieties, but very few of them can conceive a truly independent life for their spouses.
Being a nontheist and freethinker, I personally believe that a human being at all times must value her/his independent human self. When he or she surrenders that to another person unconditionally and in one-sided fashion, he/she loses her humanness. He/she becomes a “mere thing” ― a piece of property or a slave to be a handled by her/his owner as the latter wishes. Surrendering one’s own independent human identity to another human being is a gross indignity to the human race ― a blot to humanity.
Non-Muslim women, contemplating a relationship with a Muslim man, should keep in mind that you should be loved for what you are and what you have been over the years. You should not be loved for what the man wants you to be in the future. If the man loves what he wants you to be, he does not love the person―the human self―you are. Instead, he loves the thing he transforms you into. You become the object of his imagination, his slave, his piece of property. You have no choice of your own. You become a slave of his fantasy, his imagination, his passion. You are there only to fulfill his every desire and having none of your own.