Lonely Sobbing of a Young Pakistani Muslim Girl
10 Sep 2005
I am 16 yr old girl from Pakistan who needs your help
Sir My Name is xxxx (Please Hide My Name) and I'm sixteen year old girl from xxxx, NWFP (North West Frontier Province) Pakistan. Almost 1 week ago I saw your website from my friend.
Sir I Have one very big trouble which I think you can solve. Sir I think I am Muslim and that's why you hate me but I maybe of your daughter or sister's age. Only a non-Muslim better an ex-Muslim can help me
Sir I live in an extremely conservative society. here in NWFP. Pakistani women don't have any rights. Here in our town there is only 1 girl's school where the dress is to wear a burqa. Sir my trouble is after 2 months (i.e. 1st week of November) my parents are going to marry me with my cousin who is almost twice my age and already has one wife. I am only 16 and according to Pakistani law my wedding is illegal. My going-to-be husband is illiterate and son of a mullah. I DON'T WANT TO MARRY HIM.
My friend married a man who already has 2 wives in advance. He beats her regularly like animal and without any reason. He even rapes my 16 year old friend. Sir in NWFP the practice of polygamy and female torture is considered to be a symbol of mardangi (manhood). I know that my future as an Muslim women is same. Whole life I have to spend in his house. Here women are not allowed to go to market and not allowed to talk with other man. Muslims treat women like an animal
Sir I read the article of Qadir Sheikh. I also think that I have HINDU blood running through my veins rather than mughal blood. But I can't express my feelings here; bcoz here if I declare myself as Hindu girl then Muslims will kill me. Sir All y friends hate Islam and want to be HINDU. Here we see Indian TV serials in both Pak and Afgan and we see girls in India are more free than girls in Pakistan or Afghanistan. I can assure you that if there were no Muslim males in NWFP or Afghanistan then we all females would have been Hindu by now. Sir I Am Frustrated and angry but the only thing I can do is cry and cry beating by chest like 95% of other Afghani and NWFP and Baloch Muslim women. I am living in a hell and Mr. Ali Sina can u rescue me from this HELL? Here Muslims say that women have got a huge respect in QURAN but in reality women have got no respect. and all the money which a women get from her parents goes to her husband's family members.
Sir in here, girls are not sent to school but my parents sent me to school. I Can't reject my parent's proposal to marry with a mullah's son. I got education and can write my problem to you but in here many girls can't even say their trouble to anyone. The only thing they can do is cry. Here if I get married to that evil man. I will be raped and beaten everyday.
Sir I am a Hindu now and I want to leave Pakistan and go 2 India. I want to pursue my education and be a computer engineer and not a begum of an idiot. Sir please guide me
I have only 2 months left. I also started to read Bhagwad Gita on Net. That book helped me a bit but I think my future is totally black.
Sir I want 2 ask u that if God loves everyone then why he gave me birth in this hell. Sir if I get married, I will commit suicide. I stopped eating cow but my family force me to read namaz 5 times. I appeal to all women's organisations to take this matter seriously.
May Lord Krishna save you from the evil Allah
Dear Sweet Sunshine (This is the closest translation I can think of for your name). How did you come to the conclusion that I hate you because you are a Muslim? My whole effort is to help Muslims leave Islam and be free. My whole website is my labour of love for Muslims. I hate ISLAM because it is the cult invented by an evil man to subdue and subjugate people and because it has brought nothing but poverty, ignorance, oppression, misogyny and misery for those who fell prey to it. This does not mean I hate the victims of this evil cult.
My dear Sweet Sunshine, I am so sorry to hear your story. It is heartbreaking. I am a big man but I could not fight back my tears when I read what you wrote, mostly because you think I can help you but I can't. I can't do anything. I can only take part of your pain within me. I can only shed some useless tears on your behalf. Beyond that I can't do anything else for you. Nothing! I am helpless. Even God is helpless! Some people don't give up praying to this so called omnipotent maker of the universe despite the mountain of evidences that He does not hear, does not give a damn or is not capable of doing anything. If such god really existed, is he worthy of worship? All I can do is to share your story with my readers, not because anyone can help you, but because you don't feel lonely when you shed tears in the middle of the night. So you know when your tears wet your pillow, others are also crying for you and for other girls who share your fate but can't even talk about their pains.
It was a Pakistani girl of your age that inspired me to undertake this mission. I saw her on TV. She was in hospital because she was burned by her jealous and possessive husband who was twice her age. She was in pain and was moaning like an animal. Yes, the sound that she made was not human, it was the sound of an animal in pain. She looked right into the camera and lifted up her hand towards it but only moaned like an animal. I thought she is looking at me trying to tell me something. I heard what she said at once and I knew what to do with the rest of my life. She died three days after she was videoed, an excruciating death. Those eyes, that groan, and that innocent face in pain, haunt me ever since. I can't forget them, I can't stop anymore. I made a vow to her to help other girls like her. I think she is watching me to see if I keep my word. I can't fail her. I will do everything in my power to slay this beast called Islam and free people from its clutches of death. I made this promise to her, and I will keep it until the day I meet her in heaven. In my fantasy I will hug her, press her head to my chest and ask her if she is content with my work.
I know where you live. I have been in that hell myself and I have been also in NWFP. I dressed like a Patan, visited many villages, met many good men, who were kind and hospitable, who invited me to their homes, showered me with hospitality but at the same time were cruel to their wives and daughters. I often sat on the floor and partook of their food while the women stayed in the kitchen waiting so we men eat our fill and then they come and "scavenge" what was left. I saw the cruelty and misogyny of your people with my own eyes. I know how women are treated there and in what kind of prison they live. There was a woman who used to come and wash my cloths. She was an intelligent woman, she talked like a university grad, but her husband had divorced her and since she did not have any qualifications and a couple of children to feed, all she could do was to go from house to house washing cloths.
Your parents are wrong. Even in Islam that is the most oppressive and misogynist religion, most schools of Sharia agree that women must consent to their marriages and that consent cannot be obtained by force. Show the following site to your parents and make them see that by forcing you to marry to someone without your consent they are committing a sin. According to Islam the bride must consent. If they beat you to consent, or threaten you or blackmail you, that is not consent, that is extortion.
1. ACCEPTANCE between both Lovers (Husband & Wife).
There is no marriage without the acceptances between man and woman, which is based on love. This is where Islam forbid, force marriage or temporary marriage because of the trauma and danger in it for both spouses. For that sake, Islam's injunction of marriage, ordains it for both sexes to see each other physically for contention over their affection. Islam's way of life, educates the whole world the best social aspect of life: and eradicate the black eyes in old customs over marriage by giving their daughters away for marriage without seeking their consent at all. And these types of improper marriage can break-up at anytime; with a lot of ill understanding."
The formula for Islamic marriage is that the bride must pronounce the word "qabiltu" (I accept). Without that the marriage is not valid. It would be against the law of Islam to force you to say what you don't agree.
Seyed Abu' al-Hassan al-Isfaha'ni', in his book al-Wasi'lah, in the chapter on marriage says: "It is required for the validity of the contract that the couple had the Choice (ikhtiya'r). If the two were forced, or one of them was forced, the contract is not valid."
If it is a forced marriage but the bride accepts the mahr (dowry) it is deemed that she is consenting to marriage and the claim of ikra'h (dislike) becomes invalid. Therefore, I suggest you state your disagreement verbally before the marriage takes place. This may anger your parents who may become inclined to beat you. Show them the Islamic rulings so they know they are doing something un-Islamic. If they still force you, state loudly and clearly your disagreement to marriage in the presence of the witnesses during the marriage ceremony. Your silence is interpreted as consent. So say it clearly that you don't want to marry this man. If the mullah is God-fearing, and knows about the law of Sharia he would not solemnize the marriage without your consent. But often these mullahs are ignorant of the law and can be bribed.
All this may make your parents to beat you more, but if you say yes, there would be more beating from your husband in future. Your father, no matter how violent he maybe, will be much more lenient than your husband who could beat you to death. At least you won't be raped or murdered by your father. With that man you won't have that guarantee. Muslim men are narcissists. They are ruthless and have gigantic egos. If their ego is lacerated, they can kill you. Also refuse to accept his mahr. If you don't accept his mahr the marriage is legally null.
You say the Pakistani Law prohibits that kind of marriage. Seek council from Women Rights advocates in your country. I hope someone with more information about these groups would write and give me all the information so I can pass it to you. Go to them or write them and tell them about your situation. Maybe they will be able to help you, council your parents, or provide a safe house for you.
The reason your father wants to give you in marriage at such a tender age is because he thinks you are a burden on him. He wants to get rid of you as soon as possible so you don't cost him money. Reason with him. Tell him you know that you are a burden on him. Apologize profusely for being born a girl, for disappointing him and for causing him shame because of your wrong gender. Tell him that you are sorry but you did not ask to come to this world and you had no role in choosing your gender. It was his X chromosome, after all, not even your mother's, but his and his alone that made you a girl. (Show him this proof.) Tell him despite that, you don't hold grudges. That you take all the blame on yourself and you are sorry. See if this talk can make him see the cruelty of his actions towards you and haply his humanity may be reawakened. Tell your parents that if they help you fulfill your dream, get the education you need and become a successful woman, you will pay them back all the favors, many times more and will make them live comfortably in their old age. Let them see that having a successful university graduated daughter is like having and Old Age Pension Plan. All they have to do is put up with your expenses for a few more years and reap the benefits for many decades. Make them see that this is going to be a very profitable investment. Make them see that they will gain much more if they do a little more sacrifice and bear the cost of your education for a few more years because a successful and wealthy daughter can be a blessing to them. Also if you go to university, chances are that you find another successful person to marry and the blessing would be double and they will be very proud and comfortable financially. Appeal to their greed as well as their logic. On the other hand if you are forced to marry a man who is illiterate and has already a wife and few children, you will be poor and can't help them when they are old. Also since this man is not educated chances are that he can never make decent money. Being poor, with several wives and lots of children, he wont be able to provide for you. Then he would see you as a burden, beat you and eventually divorce you. Then you have no education, no possibility to earn your living, and worse, you may even have one or a few children with no chance of finding a suitable husband again. Then you and all your children will become a much bigger burden on them [your parents] forever or you will have to do domestic menial and humiliating works to earn your bread. Make them see that their shortsightedness can have dire consequences for you, them and your children. Tell them that you can earn some money while you go to university by tutoring other kids. As long as they see you are contributing somehow it might help.
I publish this and I hope someone from Pakistan write and help you find the right assistance. I am sorry my dear for I can't do anything for you. At this age you should not be worrying about these kinds of problems. You are too young for all this. These problems are too big for a tender soul of your age. If only I could drag this somnolent inept God down from his throne and occupy his place for one day, I would make this world a paradise. I would end all these pains and sufferings. I would end all the injustices and cruelties by giving wisdom to all humans. All evil come out of ignorance. The first thing I would do is inject some sense and the ability to think critically into the minds of His diehard acolytes so they stop worshipping a figment of their imagination that is responsible for so much misery, abuse, bloodshed and fratricide throughout the history.
As long as I am just
a helpless mortal, I can't do much for you my sweet child, but
to take in me, part of your pain and to cry with you from half
a world afar. Not because it is going to do you any good, but
because you don't feel you are alone. No god is going to come
to your help or can hear your sobbing. As a fellow human, I can
at least feel your pain and send my love to you my Sweet Sunshine.
Yes I could easily pass as your father.
"Tenderness without the capacity of relieving only makes the man who feels it, more wretched, than the object which sues for assistance" - from - City Night Piece - of Oliver Goldsmith in his book - Citizen of the world
This letter was sent to Ali Sina, founder of Faith Freedom