My Story and Reasons Why I Left Islam
23 Jan. 2005
G’Day Ali Sina!
You are about to read a testimony by a former Pakistani Muslimah who is now permanently living in Oz.:) I should have written my story a long time ago but I didn’t know how to compose it because I have so many things to say. My testimony consists of two parts. The first part is a story of my life (just to show “advantages” of polygamy and “respect” for women). The second part is a list of reasons why I left Islam. But firstly I would like to comment on your site.
I’d been a non-practicing Muslim for some years but I didn’t dare to think of leaving Islam. But your site made understand that my pretty sad life was caused by Islam. You answered all the questions I had and your articles were just to the point. I pray you will never give up your noble work. I’ve spoken to a Jewish friend of mine and I recommended your site to her. She was very impressed by your work and spoke to her rabbi. They are now considering a possibility that you are their messiah! I am not a Jew (I became an atheist) but I still think you are the most talented and extraordinary man I’ve ever met (on the Internet as well as in the real life). If God exists, then I am certain you were sent by him to free the whole world.
I could praise you on thousands of pages but I think you know all your virtues yourself so I will stop now.
PART 1. MY STORY
I was born in Pakistan in 1975. My father was an unsuccessful businessman and my mother was a housewife (what else???). My old grandfather was living with us.
My dad was much older than my mum (he was 40 and she was 18 when they married) and like many men he was obsessed with having a son. When my mother got pregnant he was over the moon. But then she gave birth to me (a female) and his happiness about mother’s pregnancy changed into fury. My mum had to beg forgiveness for having a baby girl but he didn’t want to hear anything. His love for a young woman (my mum) disappeared in a moment.
My father didn’t even notice me and as I grew older it began to really hurt me. But it was not all. My mum came to the realization that I had caused all her troubles. If I were a boy her life would be different. It is true but I was not the one to blame for her bad life. Unfortunately she didn’t understand that and she was always cold towards me.
The only human being that loved me was my grandfather. He was a bit of a sage and tried his best to be above quarrels, rows and even fights in our family. He loved me very much. It is so pleasant to sit down and recall such a good and reasonable man. As a child I didn’t understand why everyone didn’t love me. When I was 15 he told me about the events that I’ve just described. That was too much for me but my grandfather attempted to alleviate my pain.
But I have to come back to my story. My father didn’t give up and took the second wife hoping she would give birth to a boy. My mother’s coldness towards me grew steadily. She couldn’t stand me. She literally hated me.
Dear Ali Sina, can you imagine that some parents can hate their children? There are some psychopaths in the West that hate their children but they have mental problems. In Islamic countries such people are not mad but normal. I do not say that my family was usual but it was not rare. My father was sure his attitude was justified. And he was right! The court refused to grant a divorce to my mother!
Polygamy that is praised by Islamic scholars was the cause for my mum’s suicide (I will write about it later). Some men in the West do have lovers. (BTW some women in the West have lovers as well!) But polygamy and adultery are two different things, aren’t they?
Thus my life was hard but I refused to give up. I was living and dreaming of immigration to a country where no one knew me.
When I was ten years old father’s second wife gave birth to a boy. My father was so happy and he thanked his wife for bringing so much joy to his heart. My mother couldn’t survive it and committed a suicide. To be honest I understand her.
I plunged into a serious depression. My father didn’t love me at all. Do I have to say that my stepmother not only hated me but also plotted against me?
When I was 20 my father decided to get rid of me and sent me to Australia to receive a higher education. It was very expensive but his desire to send me somewhere far away from Pakistan was so strong that he agreed to pay. It was the only good deed my father did for me. I was keen on the West since childhood and father knew it. I wonder if he really wanted to do something good for me!
I came to Australia and had to establish my life here. So I took off my hijab because I would have never established myself in this country if I had been veiled. I thought that Allah would forgive me and one day I would become a pious Muslim again.
But I am no longer a Muslim!
PART 2. REASONS WHY I LEFT ISLAM
- My childhood memories were so different from those of western people. I am not speaking about my mother or my father but about things like tales and toys. Western children listen to their parents telling fairy tales about knights and kings but I listened about Hell fire and what would happen to me if I was not a faithful Muslimah. I had some toys but they were so boring and so Islamic.
- There is too much violence in the Quran. I’ve read nearly a half of the New Testament and haven’t found any violence so far. Jesus Christ commands his followers to love neighbors, enemies and literally all people. There are some Christians who abuse people and commit crimes but they are not Christians because the Bible doesn’t justify such crimes. Of course there are some peaceful Muslims too but they are not Muslims because the Quran promotes violence. I have a lot of Christian friends and they all are great people. Even though I told them I was a Muslim they didn’t want to kill them me because I was an infidel to them. Christians don’t kill apostates but Muslims do kill apostates just as the Quran commands them to. There are many
Christians who became Buddhists but I have never heard of any priests who killed them. And these people don’t hide their identity like we have to.
-Mohammed was an awful man as your articles show. I totally agree with you but why do you think so many people follow him. I suspect it is a very comfortable religion for some.
-Islam doesn’t respect women. My life is a great example but I didn’t think that Islam was the cause for it. Your articles explained everything to me.
-Most terrorists are Muslims. It is not a coincidence and Islam is a source of their hatred and madness.
Today I am absolutely free to follow whatever I want. I decided to become an atheist but I am studying Buddhism now so probably I will embrace this true religion of peace. My boyfriend is a Muslim and he decided to leave Islam too. His faith was less strong than mine and it was much easier for him to abandon Islam. You set free two more people.
I hope my story was not really boring and you enjoyed reading it. Your site is the pearl of intelligence and freedom.
This letter was sent to Ali Sina, founder of Faith Freedom