Islam Was My Nightmare
26 Apr, 2005
I was born to a very pious Catholic family in Berlin . Nothing presaged that I would become a Muslim one day. On the contrary, everyone expected me to be a faithful Catholic throughout my life and pass down my faith to my children.
However, I had a very rebellious character and, like many adolescents, abominated everything my parents liked. I set a goal for myself to find a liberating religion different from that of my parents. I was convinced that nothing could be worse than Christianity with its oppressive teachings on women.
The religious atmosphere in my family was getting on my nerves. I was having heated arguments with my parents all the time because of my disagreement with some Christian teachings. They pressed me to be a better Christian; I rebelled and did the opposite.
Soon after my graduation from university, I met a young Muslim man of Turkish origin. We fell in love and soon got married. He was not a religious fanatic - he was absolutely secular, although he did observe some Islamic obligations (he fasted and prayed). He didn't ask me to convert to his religion but he made it clear that he would like his children to be Muslims. I myself took great interest in his religion and customs. I expressed willingness to learn more about Islam.
He brought me some deceptive (as I know understand) books about the glory of Islam and benefits of being a Muslim woman. I read the books and grasped the "beauty" of this religion.
I was taught by my Christian parents that a woman had to submit to her husband and thus find God. My Muslim husband seemed to be so close to God without any help from priests and I was told that I didn't have to get married and submit to my husband to find peace of mind and faith in God. I looked at my husband and blindly believed all those lies because he was such a nice man who was the living example of a decent Muslim man. When I prayed behind him, I felt I was getting closer to God and Heaven.
Looking back on those days, I see that I was just a stupid kid who drummed into herself that Islam was an ideal religion for all humankind. Perhaps I simply wanted to vex my pious parents whom I considered to be repressive monsters.
After I had converted, I was given some other books that were not as wonderful as previous ones. I learnt that I could be beaten by my husband, if he wasn't satisfied with me. But in my addled mind I tried to find justifications for that commandment. Moreover, I was sure that my husband was incapable of hitting a woman.
I gave birth to our children who were sent to a kind of a kindergarten for Muslim children. I kept on working and didn't want to give up my job. My husband supported me and told me that Islam actually encouraged women to work and have their own lives. I can't understand how I could believe such downright lies.
A few years later he decided to perform Hajj. I was very excited and proud of him because, in fact, I was much more religious than my secular husband.
When he came back, I couldn't recognize him. His behaviour changed dramatically and he was not longer secular. I didn't like wearing a veil and usually put it on only when I went to mosque. Now my husband told me that I had to wear a veil outside all the time. When I opened my mouth to object to such horrible behaviour of his, he hit me on the face and told me to shut up. I was forced to quit my job and become a housewife.
He brought some books from Saudi Arabia which "reformed" him and saved him from "perishing in Hell". I read those books on Islam, real Islam that my husband started to practice. Suddenly the scales fell from my eyes and I realized that I had never been a Muslim. But it was too late, as we were moving to Turkey . He feared that Germany would have an adverse effect on our children's upbringing.
My life in rural Turkey , with his parents, was a nightmare. I was no longer a liberated Muslimah, a wife of a liberal Muslim; I was a real Muslimah, just a commodity of my husband.
I used to enjoy praying but now I started to detest prayers led by my husband. I no longer felt close to God. When I finished reading a real, not spurious, biography of the prophet, I felt sick. I had been lied to all the time. How could I believe that Muhammad was the prophet of God?
I wondered what had happened to my husband. He told he had had conversations with fellow Muslims from "moral" countries like Saudi Arabia and they had opened his eyes. I put the blame for my husband's change of behaviour on them but then it occurred to me that he had always been a Muslim, although a secular one. What could I possibly expect from him? I had read dozens articles about women married to Muslims and their hardship. I had been warned by my best friends that I was playing with fire. But my unreasonable hatred for Christianity, love for husband and blatant lies deceived me and made me immune to reason and logic.
After such a rude awakening to the horrors of Islam and its treatment of women, I decided to review the Quran. My first feeling was anger at my blindness to reality. It is apparent from the Quran that men are given total control over women. "The Holy book" abounds with discriminatory teachings on women, which are quite obvious from the context of the book. Only a blind woman in love like me could overlook them.
When my husband realized that I was no longer a docile wife and a pious Muslimah, he became a real savage. He showed his true colours and exclaimed that German whores could never become modest women.
Even his ultra-conservative parents and friends could not understand what had happened to my husband. Nobody expected him to change so greatly. Occasionally he dropped some vague hints from which followed that he had spoken to sheikhs, introduced to him by his friends, who were well-informed about Islam. They explained to him that the majority of Muslims didn't follow the whole Islam; they just chose peaceful and beautiful parts but forgot about violent ones. You have to love your wife but remember to hit her from time to time or she will forget that she is just a woman made for your enjoyment. You ought to treat the infidels well, if it benefits you, but don't forget that your main obligation is to overthrow their government and impose the Shariah.
I couldn't believe that my humble hubby was now a faithful Wahabbi. I hoped I was asleep but I was not.
I managed to run away and get to the German embassy. My conversation with a female worker was another eye-opener -- she asked me, "When will you learn to listen to the news, stupid hens?" She meant that all women knew that dating a Muslim, let alone marring to him was a dangerous affair, yet we didn't pay attention to all the warnings. Why do we keep on dating them?
Luckily, my children are with me, thanks to good lawyers. I am working and enjoying my life. But it could have been different. In that case, I could only blame myself for my stupidity.
The above story proves the point that the so called moderate Muslims can become extremists overnight. As long as one believes that Muhammad was a prophet of God, he is at risk of becoming a terrorist in a heartbeat.
It is a mistake to separate Muslims into "moderate" Muslims and extremist Muslims. They are all Muslims. All of them belong to the terrorist faith of Islam. Their only difference is in the degree of their devotion. At any time, a moderate Muslim can increase his faith and become a monster.
Islam must be denounced and banned.
This letter was sent to Ali Sina, founder of Faith Freedom