Leaving Islam: Questions Never Answered
27 Jul, 2008
- I was born in mid religious family in Pakistan . I joined the "Berailvi" sect because of my maternal uncle. I joined the movement "Dawat Islami" which spread the Berailvi sect of Islam. I used to listen naats, mankabat, salat tu waslam.... I was thinking that I am at the right path.. I used to wear "imama sharif" (turban) of green color, which was the cause of amusement between my friends.
But I bore all the difficulties because I was thinking to have found the right path. Then as my age increased to 15 years, my heart started diverting from the Berailvi school of thought. I entered in the college for my Fsc here. I got a friend (Aslam) who was an ex-Belaivi. He was "ahle hadith" converted from Berailvi sect. I was in a hostel there. We were 3 boys in the room—I , Aslam and Ali (who was a shia).
All of other friends of mine use to play, gossips etc, but we discussed about the right path. Aslam was trying to convince me about ahle hadith sect and his discussion was effecting me. Ali was not interfering in our matter. Aslam gave me small book, which gave all the answers of controversial questions.
* Hearing of those who are dead
* Milad sharif (birthday of Mohammed)
* Seeking help except allah
* Reading darud o salam at prophet etc etc….
I was convinced by him because there are many pagan ideologies in Berailve sect.
Basically these are included due to Hinduism. He told me that our faith depends on Quran and sahih hadith (saha sita). So I accepted the Ahle Hadith sect and started practicing it.
I read many journals and weekly magazines of Jamat u Dawa, whose real name is lashkar e taiba. In the same period I started checking the Shias. At that time there was an anti-shia organization "Sipah Sahaba" who was spreading anti Shia literature everywhere. I also got some books against Shias. I read that thoroughly while my friends were busy in playing games and gossiped. After studying the anti Shia literature, I was the worst enemy of Shias. I started debating with my Shia roommate he told me about the Shia site www.answering-ansar.org I surfed that site and got many realities about the companions of Prophet. I was shocked to learn that 1) Omer burnt house of Fatima 2) story of garden of "Fidak" 3) about the "hadith e Kirtas" 4) wars between Ayesha and Ali 5)and many other realities about the imams of Shias
in the same site I got some errors in the Bukhari and muslin which I was thinking were errorless. I was shocked about that ayats usually narrated by Ayesha. At the same time I came to know that Ayesha was 9 years old when she married the Prophet. At that time I was double minded. My brain was not working anymore. I studied more about all these sects but the problems were not being solved. I started saying that I am neither Shia nor Sunni. I am only a Muslim. But my mind wasn’t satisfied...
Then I got a lecture of Dr. Zakir Naik. That gave me new life .I was very impressed of his memory. I thought that he is "mujadid" (a holy man who came after centuries to renew Islam). I got many CDs, of him listened to him and admired him. I was his fan at that time.
I got bearded, started practicing Islam with a new zeal. I was satisfying my mind by learning the miracles of Quran. My favorite topic was "Quran and science." At that time I started reding the Quran with Urdu translation. While reading, I was finding the miracles in the Quran. I found many miracles (actually I assumed them as miracles).
In the mean time, I got admission in a reputed university of Pakistan . At that time my faith in Islam was dependent of Dr. Zakir Naik.
In this university I got a friend who was also my roommate. He was an atheist .He chose Atheism due to his communist friends.. I was a fundamentalist "mullah". Same story repeated again. I started debating with him. But he never showed that he was atheist. He started convincing me. His discussion was effecting me slowly. At the same time I searched the word "Ali Sina" (which is actually the name of my friend to get information about famous personalities of that name). I got information about FFI and wikiislam... I was shocked. I tried to open it but I was blocked in Pakistan . I used the proxy changing website www.skurfit.com to access the site.
And then my life changed... FFI gave me answers to all the questions. When I told my atheist roommate about this site he opened his heart about the realities of Islam. He told me about his story of guidance, which is about same as mine. I will ask him to join the forum and write his testimony. After that I installed "the Nobel Quran" and "the Hadith" software in my pc. I confirmed many references of Ali Sina. Meanwhile I started writing a book, "Questions Never Answered". I wrote 8 pages, but when I read FFI I felt ashamed of my little knowledge. But though I have little knowledge I know that I have reached that right path of love and peace.
The "mullahs" around me are very angry with me because I shaved my beard after leaving Islam. I was an active participant in there gatherings but now I never go to mosque. This is very surprising for my friends. They can’t digest my wearing of jeans and leaving the Islamic dress, shalwar kamiz. After leaving Islam I was very energetic I did a debate with my old friend in a close room with the promise that he would never tell these things outside. He was convinced but said "la hola wala kowata..." and left me..
It is very difficult for me to act as a Muslim. It is the most hated thing to do. But I am doing all these rubbish. We were only two but now other 4 friends are about to leave they just seek refuse to modern Islamic mullahs like javed ahamad gamdi etc and Sufism .
Actually they cant digest the world without any god…