Islam Under Scrutiny by Ex-Muslims

Pious Muslima Turns Apostate, Thanks to Ali Sina

 

Dear Dr. Sina,

I am very much grateful for all of your efforts to establish and maintain FFI. Without it, my eyes would have never been opened and I could never have seen the true face of Islam.

I was born Muslimah. Now in my early forties, I am a mother of two wonderful boys.

I am living in a Muslim country. 99.9% of my countrymen do not understand Arabic. They blindly follow what the mullahs tell them. With the exception of a few, almost everyone here is “moderate” Muslim.

For sure, I was one of those who took to heart every word of the mullahs. I was a member of numerous majlas. Almost everyday, I attended a majlis where a mullah taught us what the Quran (did not) says. After he finished speaking, there was a Q&A session and I used to ask him many questions. Sometimes I was satisfied with the answers, but sometimes I wasn’t.

When I first came to your website I was totally shocked. Rather than stop reading your articles, I was more curious.

While I continued reading, I discussed with my husband and my Muslim friends, and ask questions from some gurus. With my husband, of course, it was a frankly and straight discussions while with my friends and mullahs I had to ask my questions in a disguised way. However, this did not prevent one of my friends to question whether I am still a Muslimah. After that I stopped asking her more questions

Maybe I am an apostate now because I stop my 5 times praying and plan not to fast this year.

I regret the huge amount of money we spent for our Hajj and Omra. It would have been better if I had taken my boys to Disneyland or Europe.

Muhammad needed Islam as a tool to improve his own life. If he could see Muslims today from his grave, he would probably laugh hysterically for taking his lies so seriously.

The bloody fights and struggle for power between Muhammad’s closest companions, which happened right after his death, proves that Islam is false.

If Islam is a religion of peace, why its history is not peaceful? Its founder used the sword instead of language and so did his companions. He also taught his follower to conquer, subdue and dominate and use violence and cruelty to do so.

My husband is a very kind man, both to his own family as well as to others. He is well educated. He is a ‘devout’ Muslim. Besides the compulsory prayers he performs several other extra/sunnah prayers, everyday. When I showed him the ayah about crucifying and cutting the kafirs’ fingers, I could see the expression of shock in his face. Then I bombarded him with many others ayahs, hadiths and your articles.

He began to deny everything and suddenly became a fierce advocate of Islam and Muhammad.

He is questioning me about life after death, the existence of God, what will I feel when I am in dying state, etc. He also said that there must be a God to make the universe and give it order and harmony.

I answered him (plagiarizing you :p) that we all human are like a group of ants living in a garden. The gardener does not care whether the ants worship him not and will not ask them to worship him. He would not send an ant messenger to warn them and will not burn them if they do not worship him.

My husband’s favourite argument is the Pascal Wager. Honestly, I do not really understand the Pascal Wager. That is why I still worry how if God (not Muhammad’s Allah) exists. I do not want to be burnt eternally in hell. But which God should I believe?

Now my paranoia begins. I worry when I knew that tomorrow is my son’s turn to practice swimming in school. I worry if tomorrow they will do field trip somewhere. Will they come home safely? I even wanted to sit waiting behind the door of my youngest son class. (Un) Fortunately he did not allow me. I am scared to death if something or someone harms them. When I still believed in Allah, I always pray for their safety. I asked Allah to ‘guard’ them as Quran says Allah is the best protector. Then I lived my own life happily waiting for them to come home. Now I know that when I prayed for their safety, no Allah heard me. Those ‘happy’ old days have forever changed.

My husband knows I will never pray again. He believes good or bad luck are from Allah alone. If we did good deeds then Allah will reward us. I am afraid if something bad happen to us he will blame me, because of my neglects to Allah. Let us say, something like our business downturn, our water pipes break, our kid get flu, etc, etc. I will be the only scapegoat for everything that may go wrong. What if he starts believing that apostates are najis. I worry this will badly effect our marriage relationship.

Anyhow, I can and am ready to take all the risks. If this should be, let it be. Of course I will do all efforts to keep my marriage well for the sake of my children. If I have to do ‘kafir taqiyya’ then I will do. I must think a good answer for my hubby why I cancelled my apostasy :).

Like all mothers everywhere, I want the best for my kids. I want my sons to escape Islam. At least let them know the truth about Islam.

They are studying in one of the best private schools in the city. They follow a western curriculum. But still it is an Islamic school.

I encourage them to study English and Science. I searched my book shelves to find the “Science for Kids” sets and put them in front, easy to reach, replacing “Islam for Kids” books. I do not ask them to recite dua before sleeping anymore (their father does). Instead, my bed stories are about the Sun, the Moon, planets, asteroids, how a star formed, water cycle, etc.

I want them to study in the west now. I hope, when the time comes, I will have enough money to send them to study abroad.

I want them to seek the opportunity to work and stay in the west, forever. This is something totally different from what I thought before. I never liked the west. I preferred to visit Muslim countries. Even at that time I used to say to myself, if I have to live in other country, I will come to my home country for Ramadan and Eid, because for me no place in earth beats Ramadan atmosphere better than in my home country.

Now, Ramadan is alien to me.

I do not know whether my intention to send my kids to the west will be approved by my husband if he knows my real reasons.

Btw, I am not a computer savvy person. Can people trace me if I send mail like this? How can I be totally anonymous?

I feel better now because I can talk to someone. It lifted the burden in my chest.

Dr. Sina, thank you for your attention and excellent works.

 
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