Islam Under Scrutiny by Ex-Muslims

Health, Suckling for Community Relations and Beating Women Lightly in Islam

Did you ever wonder why those infidels are too fat, and all good Muslims are too thin? Well, wonder no more. Here is your answer:
A Kafir eats too much. A Muslim...just a little. The reason those infidels eat too much is because, they have seven intestines to eat with. A good Muslim uses only one!! Don't believe, enlighten yourself by wisdom of Muhammad, the wisest man ever:

Narrated Nafi':

Ibn 'Umar never used to take his meal unless a poor man was called to eat with him. One day I brought a poor man to eat with him, the man ate too much, whereupon Ibn 'Umar said, "O Nafi'! Don't let this man enter my house, for I heard the Prophet saying, "A believer eats in one intestine (is satisfied with a little food), and a kafir (unbeliever) eats in seven intestines much food."

Well, what happens if a “supposedly” good Muslim starts eating too much? The answer is simple; he became “border-line” infidel, commonly known as “hypocrite”:

Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 65, Number 306:

Narrated Ibn 'Umar:

Allah's Apostle said, "A believer eats in one intestine (is satisfied with a little food), and a kafir (unbeliever) or a hypocrite eats in seven intestines (eats too much)."

What happens when an infidel embraces the true religion, Islam?

Well, the answer is simple. He starts eating good and healthy, loses weight, and eats less (its really like joining the YMCA) just like any other good Muslim out there:

Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 65, Number 309:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

A man used to eat much, but when he embraced Islam, he started eating less. That was mentioned to the Prophet who then said, "A believer eats in one intestine (is satisfied with a little food) and a Kafir eats in seven intestines (eats much).

Can a Muslim eat while sitting in any position he/she wants?

Well, it may not be “Haram” but it certainly is “Makrooh” to lean while eating. A good Muslim eats while sitting straight. No questions asked.

Narrated Abu Juhaifa:

Allah's Apostle said, "I do not take my meals while leaning (against something).

If you are from Pakistan, and feel like eating Chinese food tonight, is this acceptable in Islam?

Again, this may not be “Haram”, but is certainly “Makrooh”. The holy Prophet himself was not too anxious to try foreign foods. So, if we want to emulate his holiness, do you think we should even think about eating Chinese food tonight?

Narrated Khalid bin Al-Walid:

"A roasted mastigure was brought to the Prophet who stretched his hand towards it to eat it. But it was said to him, "It is a mastigure." So he withdrew his hand. Khalid asked, "Is it unlawful to eat?" the Prophet said, "No, but it is not found in the land of my people and that is why I do not like eating it." So Khalid started eating (it) while Allah's Apostle was looking at him. An-Nadr said: 'Al-Khazira' (is prepared) from bran while 'Al-Harira' is prepared from milk.


How about sex!!

In fact, Islam has many good thoughts about sex.

Suckling an unrelated adult is good for the sake of “community relations”!! (in slang: Boobs are just good any time!!!)

Ibn Abu Mulaika reported that al-Qasim b. Muhammad b. Abu Bakr had narrated to him that 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that Sahla bint Suhail b. 'Amr came to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and said: Messenger of Allah, Salim (the freed slave of Abu Hudhaifa) is living with us in our house, and he has attained (puberty) as men attain it and has acquired knowledge (of the sex problems) as men acquire, whereupon he said: Suckle him so that he may become unlawful (in regard to marriage) for you He (Ibn Abu Mulaika) said: I refrained from (narrating this hadith) for a year or so on account of fear. I then met al-Qasim and said to him: You narrated to me a hadith which I did not narrate (to anyone) afterwards. He said: What is that? I informed him, whereupon he said: Narrate it on my authority that 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) had narrated that to me.

If you think the above hadith is not Sahih, here it is from the horse’s mouth

Dawud: Book 008, Number 3427:

Umm Salama said to 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her): A young boy who is at the threshold of puberty comes to you. I, however, do not like that he should come to me, whereupon 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) said: Don't you see in Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) a model for you? She also said: The wife of Abu Hudhaifa said: Messenger of Allah, Salim comes to me and now he is a (grown-up) person, and there is something that (rankles) in the mind of Abu Hudhaifa about him, whereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Suckle him (so that he may become your foster-child), and thus he may be able to come to you (freely).

And who said Islam is against appreciating a good breast?


Beating women lightly (lovingly?) with a tooth brush?

So says the apologists!! The Prophet thought otherwise.

Dawud: Book 11, Number 2126:

Narrated Basrah:

A man from the Ansar called Basrah said: I married a virgin woman in her veil. When I entered upon her, I found her pregnant. (I mentioned this to the Prophet). The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: She will get the dower, for you made her vagina lawful for you. The child will be your slave. When she has begotten (a child), flog her (according to the version of al-Hasan). The version of Ibn Abus Sari has: You people, flog her, or said: inflict hard punishment on him.

If you don’t treat women right, you better take your Chiropractic with you when go to meet Allah:

Dawud: Book 11, Number 2128:

Narrated AbuHurayrah:

The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.

[This article is a satire]

Ibn Kamuna is an Arabic-speaking writer. He can be contacted at

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